Random Thoughts

                                                   Random Thoughts

Things look so simplified from the top but leave you completely tangled when you reach the core. Not only me but all the people must have experienced that Brain stays active mostly during the night when it’s concerned about your inner thoughts. There are so many things exchanging blows amidst themselves to reach till your brain from your random thoughts and influence you to think about them. Many a times you just look towards the fan and smile for no reason, a tear may roll down or any random person may statute your mind that would have never been important in your daily schedule but you can’t help thinking about him/her. At such times, the ceiling fan turns out to be your best friend.

It’s 1 AM and all this thoughts force me to take a pen and paper and pour down my feelings or else I won’t be able to sleep. It’s not just good but also very substantial to speak out your heart to someone. Sharing is Okay, it is indeed necessary to be a normal human being but often people are afraid to share just because they are not sure about the person with whom they are about to share. Rather than letting people know your deepest  and undisclosed secrets and sobbing over getting betrayed in future, it’s good to have a diary as your companion. You feel free when you let things out.

We meet hundreds and thousands of people daily, face uncountable good, bad and neutral situations and all this things stay somewhere in our mind as random thoughts.

Any person is excited for every new thing he has never tried in his life. Being a kid, the first day of the board exams is not less than a battle. Being teenagers, going away from home for studies may be the best part; once this happens you miss home badly. You eagerly wait for your college to end and step into the real world but during the last few days you wish you could get some more time. Once back to home from college, family doesn’t seem to be cool after a couple of weeks. The habit of being independent makes you feel stuck in a place you can’t define. Small things are celebrated cutely but big things come with mixed feelings. Getting your first job! Obviously it is a great thing but when it actually happens, it takes you aback. You never know how to react and the rest of the days are spent thinking about how the first day at office would be????? And when you are smooth with the schedule, life becomes so predictable and boring for you. After a certain span of time, you either feel Okay with the daily schedule or think of a better way to get out of the frustrated life and not just buy objects but also  gain satisfaction from the work you get paid for.

All in all needs, demands, expectations and achievements are fantasized only till you grab them. Once you taste it, the very next moment you want to switch to something different, something not very usual. You don’t even usually think of enjoying that particular moment because you are way too busy running after another things. This is human tendency and this is quiet natural, else it won’t lead things further. This world is too big to be explored and we get life only once to do so. But one should never forget, in urge to explore more, it is also necessary to live the current moment thoroughly.

Preferences and ways of living change according to your age, situations and level of maturity. A person in his 20’s if asked to sit at home and do nothing then he may be just OKAY with it for a day or two. Sooner or later he finds a way to escape. He feels caged, ignoring the fact that he has the whole world in his pocket. Very ironically, if this same person is out with a group of friends or family then he is observed spending more time with his pocket friend, trying to stay connected with the people away from him and not thinking about the ones around him at that moment. We need to understand the necessity to talk to the ones around us than browsing through our facebook and instagram feed all the time.

Just after dinner when I was having a walk with my phone in my hand, I took a look at a house in my neighborhood. The old lady was sitting all alone since the morning. She must be in her 90’s but still healthy enough to talk clearly and understand all the things happening around. I never talked to her but I don’t know what forced me to change my route and take my steps towards her. I kept my phone in my pocket and went to her. She didn’t even knew me properly as I never stay at home most of the time. Usually people are not comfortable to have an instant talk with any stranger but I sat with her for an hour and I didn’t get bored even for a single minute. Now this can be considered as her asset that she made me feel like her own child. That one hour refreshed my mind. I cannot stay at home for a week doing nothing but these old people aren’t given much importance by anyone. Even if you go to them, you just go for a change but they still treat you like you are someone to them. I can’t even imagine being like this all day long, having nobody to even talk to me. I would have probably turned insane. But when situations change, you have to act accordingly. Old people are experienced and matured enough to know that they are no more in demand but they also have this glow on their face when they are given attention. When I was leaving, she held my hand and touched my cheeks saying, ‘’ You are a strong and beautiful girl. Make your mother proud…” Old people generally do speak such stuff to kids but that one thing made my day.

Sometimes it feels good to be in company of someone who craves for it and won’t take you for granted. But then again, we people are so busy with our social relationships that we find the social world more important than the blood relations. Relationships are good, they obviously are but what is the point of a relationship where you can’t be the real you. The people who stay single are not single because they want to be single but because may be the correct person never approached, may be the person they thought would be correct was just a mistake or maybe there are so many things in their life that relationships can’t be a priority for them at some instinct. The most immature stuff is done during this period of time. You act in a weird way and say things which maybe you shouldn’t have said at that time. Perhaps due to anxiety you end up doing something you shouldn’t have done. Due to such confused scenario, good friends turn out to be uncomfortable being just friends as well. But many a times this relationships end up on a better note and helps one to be a more sorted person along with their partner.

If you aren’t in a relationship then also you feel connected about the stuff happening around with people. Friends usually don’t talk to me about their relationship goals and problems because I end up laughing at them, not because how stupid their problems are but because how childish can you behave at this age. Obviously I end up making others feel offended, I am nobody to make fun of anybody’s problems but I just can’t help it. Over this many people told me,“ Someday when you feel the same, you will know.” I don’t know when it comes and I am not at all eager as well. We need to understand that relationships should never be about compromises. A person who understands you, listens to you, motivates you to be a better person and helps to bring the best out of you is someone you should relate with.

If the things are being done by you when you are completely conscious then why do you get these random thoughts which force you towards negativity and further you regret for what you did?

They say, “She is no more, I wish I would have been good to her.” We are nobody to even think of uttering this sentence when we actually treated that person as a piece of shit when she was alive. May be the way you treated her made her realize her worth for you and she decided to give up struggling and die a couple of days earlier than she was supposed to. She is gone and you lost the chance even to apologize. What better you can do now rather than having random thoughts about her leading to insomnia?

You wish to speak up or do a certain thing but then fear of something going wrong pulls you back and somewhere in the future you regret of not doing so.

Whenever I open my diary or the old chats on facebook, I just laugh at myself thinking what an idiot I was in the past. But none of those memories make me feel stuck or sad for long, mostly the ones which were under my control… There are certain times when you need to act the other way, because may be that doesn’t make you happy but then that is how things should end up. Such things hurt for that instance but you surely never regret for them in future. I never regret anything I have done so far, whether it maybe loving someone, abusing someone or kicking someone’s ass. I did that on my own, I wasn’t forced and those memories and decisions make me a better person today. Not just for me but it goes equally for each one of us. We tend to doubt ourselves if we regret our deeds, so it is better to think wisely before playing our cards and then stay up for all the storms that may come up.

Regret is to be done if you haven’t tried your best to achieve something. Failure is acceptable if you have given it a try, it shows your caliber and strength to push yourself but something that stops you from giving a try to move towards a thing you want to achieve should always be strictly ignored. Failure is temporary and success is meant to overcome failure. All the great people have experienced it. But the regret of loosing that once precious chance keeps you confused throughout your life. Whether you would have or wouldn’t have achieved that particular thing stays a mystery forever. So never be afraid of giving yourself a chance, because if you win then you know how difficult it is to express the joy of the victory but even if the coin turns to the other side then you have gained a lesson for the future. The ability of a person to take risk in life decides his flexibility to deal with situations.

Not even a single thought that I mentioned here is relevant to the other one and they are not even supposed to be because life is made up of too many elements. It is not necessary to have a connection with all of them. Each one of us get such thoughts but we choose to ignore them and pay attention towards our regular routine. I advise you to think about all the feelings that are tangled in your mind. Help yourself to open them up and you surely can discover something new within yourself. It may help you to be a matured person. Maturity is not in talking about big things, behaving in a very well mannered way in public or not expressing the foolish things you want to express. The girl next door may be childish for you because she takes things too casually so you call her an immature grown up kid but you never tried to fit into her shoes, you never know she may have faced situations which you can’t even dream of. The saddest people are said to have the most beautiful smile. May be she has had enough from her life that she no more cares of what others say and that is what being matured is all about. It is about understanding the small things in your life, living with one’s own identity and not to pretend just because the other person wants you to do so. It may go in some other way if you give it a thought. I am sure, after reading this when you go to your bed tonight, you will at least once look up at your ceiling fan and your mind would conquer your brain. After all at the end all that you have are the RANDOM THOUGHTS when you go to bed.

                                                                                                 NEHA GORE